Loss

I woke up this morning to a call from a coworker who told me about the fire in the West Roxbury section of the city. Two firefighters have died, and a dozen more have been taken to hospitals. The television stations are reporting, too, that a paramedic has been hospitalized. Initially it was described as an injury, but most of the reporters are now saying it was because of chest pain. Either way, I feel concerned. Firefighters, police officers, EMTs, and paramedics can die just as easily from a heart attack as from a bullet wound or smoke inhalation.

I did not work last evening, but hearing about this incident makes me wish that I did. That's a common response among people in emergency occupations, I suppose. One of my coworkers works as a part-time firefighter north of the city. If a fire breaks out when he's not there to respond, he gets frustrated, feeling as if he missed something exciting.

As EMTs and paramedics, we are the same way. You hear about a tragedy that occurred when you weren't around, and you wish you could have responded to it. That's why we went into this line of work, after all--to handle emergencies. And the greater the tragedy, the more you feel as if you have something to contribute.

This sets up an odd sort of paradox. None of us wants to see bad things happen to other people. None of us wants to see anyone else suffer. But when bad things do happen, we want to be there. So, in a sense, we're always waiting for the next tragedy, hoping to be around when it occurs.

I received another phone call just now, from someone who had come across a pair of Boston firefighters in a Dunkin' Donuts. She didn't know them, but she approached to express her sympathy about the deaths of their colleagues. Both men thanked her. One stood up and gave her an awkward hug. And right there on the shoulder of a stranger, he began to sob.

That's the kind of loss those guys and their families are feeling right now. It's heartbreaking, and in the coming days, it will likely get worse. There will be funerals to attend. It takes time for the sense of grief to set in.

I wish I could have been there. I wish I could have done something to help. But since I wasn't there, I can only do what so many other people are doing--hope that the families and coworkers of those firefighters find a way to cope with their loss. And that the paramedic and the injured firefighters recover.